Is it over yet?

Yesterday was a day which i though would never finish. Thought it was still going on today, till now when i sit in front of my so ignored and neglected pc and look back at it.

Ah! now i can say,
Yesterday's over for me coz i see its the night with the morning waiting on the other side :-)

(ooooh yea! i think i too said all of what i wanted to in a single line! FINALLY)

Tommorow i finally get my own place to sit at work (was eating into someone else's work station so far) and hope to get the laptop too. Ah, i need my space i realise. I always thought i simply HAD TO BE with a chirpy bubbly group around me...but feel like i need my own space within and outside these days. Its fun to have ur own space.

I also have begun believing that every person has 7 look alikes in this world. I saw a woman who looks exactly like a friend in my office. And NO am not looking faces into others! hehehe...but then what fun it is naa. You wont miss neone coz everytime u do all u gotta do is go chat up with this other person, and soon you shall grow outta it all

Ok m blabberring now...cya guys...hope u guys have an awesome weekend. Would post some more interesting stuff later.
Cya

Chalte Chalte

Behta hai jeewan anjaani si dhara
Na sagar hai koi na koi kinara
Beheti hai kasti zara zara
Jisko ho chune ki dil mei ek asha
Dikhta na koi aisa nazara
Chale jaa rahe hain chale jaa rahe hain
Kahaa jaane na mazil, jaane na rasta

??????????

I wonder what i wanna do, I wonder what i like, I wonder what is NAINA all about, I wonder whats my motto in life.

I wonder if i shall make it that far in life, I then wonder how far i wanna go, I wonder road beckons me, I wonder what can i do

I wonder where i went wrong, I wonder if i did even go

I wonder how long shall i wonder, before i let it all go

I DROVE I DROVE I DROVE I DROVE I DROVE

Today i drove my car all by myself with my mom and sister sitting there comfortably and not panicking or praying , but talking and having fun for the first time. More importantly i drove after the daylight faded. My mom had this huge thing against me driving at night. Today it happened.

It was a good feeling, and a sense of growing up came. Thoughts instantly travelled to cold winter evenings when i shall be driving back on my own from office in my car, filled with the music i love. Me and My Car. We shall have a nice time together.

I have 7 new books in my drawer and not getting the time to read even one!! I dont believe this! My reading thirst is declining, and speed too. Need to check that. I wanna learn how to cook as well. I wanna learn to live on my own, all by myself. I have always accepted things people and everything as they were. I never kept any preferences or reservations, thinking that would make it easier to adapt to the people i really want to be with,

Now i wonder if that was wrong. Coz then u taken for granted. You need to define your own bounadries and be stubborn about certain things...i wonder...o i wonder

!!!!!!!Ailaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First day in the office. The first person the whole group is asked to meet and interact with...MR HIM. ok his name's A. A indeed is like a xerox copy of him, in style, personality, loks, physique everything. Infact he too has similar marks as him on his face. His way of working, his style of joking, interaction...sab vaisaeech hai baap!

OK, interaction over, and we alloted our departments and Voillla guess what...i shall be working with Mr.A! I spent the whole day with him. Each momment wondering on how earth wud i survive. I am in love with this guy, who's Xerox copy is mr.A. My mind, body and heart jump and react as if it was him, and my brain goes crazy.

Today i stared at him for the whole 30 minutes he lectured us. Hehehehe, i wonder if he noticed. Hands, fingers, nails, hair, the way they fall over his broad forehead, his eyes, his long arms...i can go on and on and on.

He wore the same colour combos as he did, sat in the same manner, as the same logical flow, and his voice...man!!!!!!

Well, i shall be working with him, we might have the same office room though different cubicles, and he would be taking me through the trainings. I wish and hope i can differentiate enough and keep it professional...:-D

But yea, its kinda nice feeling to have him around, its something like i can see all i want of my guy, in mr.A and not miss him...and feel he's there with me :-D even though he's not.

Crazy in love is what R calls me...i dunno what 2 say 2 that.

Deja Vu!

Her senses had become too full of HIM. Everything she did reminded her of him, his essence, his presence...rather his absence. She tried to drown herself in the beauty around her, in colours, in air, in nature in everything else to forget him. She thought she was doing a fairly good job.
She set out to the same place as everyday, talking her morning stroll around the beautiful park to absorb enough freshness to beam it well. She had to meet her boss and the super boss that day and waited eagarly.They walked in at the very precise time mentioned, her boss, her super boss and HIM.

She coudnlt believe her eyes, her heart raced, her breath stalled, what is HE doing here?!! It was him, she could see him from a distance, and she walked faster than ever to the room, to grab the first chair on the first table. They all came, and she saw...He was NOT HIM.

She still wasnt content, she wanted to make sure, actually she didnt really know nething that time. She only gazed, gazed endlessly at him. The same face, the same forehead, the same eyes, the same smile, even the hair. He was dressed exactly like he would the same labels, the same colours. His manner so crisp, his smile so perfect. Damn!! she went crazy. Just the skin colour and texture differed. Yea! she noticed all this from that far.

There it all went, all her past efforts, coz her body, mind and heart all reacted like they had done the 2nd time she met him. She didnt realise the "Spark" then, she felt it now. Then he stood up and spoke and with his voice came a grave worry...she must remember he;s not HIM! She must not try to fool herself, she must keep her distance.

She now dreads Monday, the day she starts working in the same team and profile as his. He's with the super boss and she is with the boss.

I pray for her...May God Bless Her and Give her enough resistence. People...what would you tell her???

Day 2 & 3

And the craving for the wonderland took over the innocent mind at night. The dreams about the wonderland haunted me thru the night, and a mystical force pulled me to the place.
Well, actually my sis didnt have to go to office today so i got ready before time, and once m ready i cant sit at home, so left a bit early and landed at the place 30 mins before time.

The most well spent 30mins in months i must say. I walked barefoot on grass, drenched and washed pure by the dew. Felt like lying down on it, but alas! the boundation of keeping my clothes clean held me. Then i took over the swing - a nice simple wooden swing hung on a tree standing proudly in the middle of the vast garden. As i swung lightly with my legs folded up on the swing DUCKS quaked by :-D
That was a really nice scene to see all of them some pure white others greyish, walk along by and not be stirred by my presence. Was wonderful to see their innocense. Then the care taker came to feed them and seeing me awed by them taught me how to feed them. They had Bread crumbs that morning and the momment they saw him they ran towards him.

He handed me the crumbs and for some strange reason when i saw them flocking like a mad heard towards me ... hehehhe I RAN!!!!!!!! I RANNNNNNNNN and they ran behind me. O boy! that was crazy and stupid but fun, till i felt oh shucks m running away with the poor beings breakfast. HOW CRUEL could i be. GUILT STRUCK ME BIGTIME so i stopped and fed them.

The caretaker then came and said "Oh why did u stop, they were having so much fun" and i was like "NOW U TELL ME!!" Its so tough to understand animals. What they feel for you, how they react to you.
For that matter i think its way too tough for me to even understand people. I simply fail to.

Today again was a wonderfull day there. Calm, Serene and yea i took a walk all around the place today. Everything everybit is like wonderfull. I shall miss this place. Tomorrow is our last day here. Then we go back to the main office on monday.

I wish i could come back here often :-( but alas...all good things come to an end and all good experiences must be cherished in memories...

Heaven on Earth?

Went for the first day of job today. Its beginning with a week long training at the bunglow of the owners of the company. This place has been transformed into a WellNess Place. Holds a lot of Spiritual and Meditation based workshops as well as the initial Induction programmes of the company. Oh i simply fell in love with the place.

Its simply, serene and has naturally beautiful gardens. No pomp and show, but sheer beauty. Sprinkled with Indian culture and ethinicity. Oh it simply fills your breath up with something so pure that you dont want to exhale.

I wish i could fill myself with it. With the raw beauty of nature and spiritual bliss, fill myself so much that there remains no space for anything else. I felt today how much we run after things which are so artificial coz we percieve them to be the solutions to our problems and then once we achieve them we come back to achieve the ones which we earlier percieved to be of no value.

Hahahaha...Gol Maal hai Sab Gol Maal Hai...Seedhe Raste Ki yeh, Tedhee hee Chaal hai....

i learnt today - People are successful not because of their hard work but beacuse of their PERCIEVED HARDWORK. Your boss is the one person who simply must LIKE you even if 10 others dont.

Well dont think i agree with that but that surely is what i must ensure at my new work place :-D

Also i learnt - Sambhog ke baad Sanyaas...i.e. need to go through all this to reach the level beyond all this...Maya ko paar karne se pehele Maya ke paar jaana hota hai.

Again...dunno how much i agree but here i am to do what they want me to :-D
Rest assured this is another phase m beginning which shall be filled with learnings. Any tips people?

~ Bollywood Heals ~

Tommorow ... 3rd October 2005, Kiddo shall go to work! I dunno what am stepping into :-D and m testing waters with both feet. Lets see whats up for me now. New Beginning...New Day...CRAZY! and 100% Uncertainity...Smells like me alright!

Its been quite some time since i was my own crazy carefree self. Away from the emotional clutter. I guess i can do so now for a while. As it goes, whenever i need something of this sorts, my dear Bollywood throws at me a song which says it all. Giving it below - Aashayein - James

House is being painted, and spent the whole day setting up my room. Oh! its such a nice thing to do. Went down my thoughts to think of the day when i would be setting up my new home, with my dude. Just the two of us would set it all up, making each corner so tastefully OURS!
Well, thoughts...only thoughts, he's already set up his home. Tough luck! m sure WE would have done a better job! :-P (Sour grapes ??!! whatever...God Bless them)

Lemme get back to my song:

Kuch paane ki ho aas aas, Koi armaa ho jo khaas khaas
aashayeein.....
har koshish me ho baar baar, kar edariyaoon ko paar paar
aashayeein.....
Toofaano ko cheer ke, manzilo ko cheen le
aashayen khile dil ki, Ummeedey hase dil ki
ab mushkil nahee kuch bhee, nahee kuch bhee

Ud jaaye le ke khushi , apne sang tujhko vahaa
jannat se mulakat ho , poori ho teri har dua
aashaa khile....

guzare aise har raat raat, ho kwhishon se baat baat
le kar suraj se aag aag , gaye jaa apna raag raag
kuch aisa kar ke dikha , khud kush ho jaye khuda
aashaayein khile...

Went for a long long drive last night. A long road, endowed with natural beauty of trees and sky and not the concrete buildings. There were awesome songs on the radio too, the great old hindi numbers and gazhals. Sky was very clear - stars shined like diamonds. The air here already has the hints of winters coming so the slight chill was nice.

After a long long time i did something which made my happy, well actually i didnt really do much. He made the plans and all. Earlier we thought of going for a movie but we were a bit late so ended up with coffee at Mocha. Rolls from the roadside vendor :-D. Awesome rolls thought!!!
I wanted to have ice cream too but there was none on our drive.

We sang songs (I didnt really sing), talked about crazy stuff, laughed, it was nice. R was unsually quiet, normally she's the one riding all conversations, and sat at the back. J was with her, equally quiet but enjoying the music. K and I sat in the front. I didnt wanna put on the seat belt which got him a bit "Concerned" hehehee...nehow he drove well. K was nice to me, and we had a nice time togehter.
Feels good, Feels nice...i wonder how long this one shall last :-D